I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize