I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
