Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
