i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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