apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
