dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
