i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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