trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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