my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
