so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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