You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
