I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
