i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I party with great urgency now.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
