Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
