and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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