I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
