I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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