He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
