I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
