How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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