I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize