No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
