i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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