this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
