Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
