guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
