I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
