when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
