it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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