Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize