she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
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I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
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Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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