my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize