That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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