Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize