Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
