I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
