guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
