Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
