I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
