why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
They have beer where we have blood.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
