God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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