how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
