I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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