Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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