Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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