Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
