trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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