my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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