you have to choose: penises or morals?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
