Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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