you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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