PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
