You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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