I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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