she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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