I'm pants shitting drunk right now
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
