Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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