i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
