He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
