it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
