I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We named our party play list daddy issues
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
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