I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
