his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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