Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
