He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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