I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
