meet me or not, i'm out of control
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
