her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.