I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
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Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
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He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over