I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.