I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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